


Boy Who Cried Wolf

by buccellati



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crushes, Injury Recovery, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 16:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7691545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buccellati/pseuds/buccellati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are three sentences that doctor Leonard McCoy, after nearly three years in space, can no longer stand. (Or: The story in which captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise falls in love and becomes a bit of a hypochondriac all at once.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy Who Cried Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> my latest!!! i will still die for mckirk!!!! thank you all. shoutout to noah and basil. also i did an unprecedented (for me) amount of research for this thing so shoutout also to memory alpha and google.com

There are three sentences that doctor Leonard McCoy, after nearly three years in space, can no longer stand:

**1.** “Have you seen the captain anywhere?” _No. I’m not his damn babysitter._  
 **2.** “Can we just do my physical tomorrow?” _You’ve got all day to finish filling out paperwork. This’ll take five minutes if you just cooperate._  
 **3.** “Captain Kirk to medbay.” _Again?_

The first few times the captain called down, whether from the bridge or his quarters, it had been with legitimate concern.

“I’m about to send down a landing party of eight. How many medkits do you have on hand?”

_“Plenty. After Ferox VII, I’ve been well stocked.”_

_Nothing really life threatening. The crew of the Enterprise hadn’t seen anything like that since the business with Krall._

The next few times, the doctor was starting to wonder whether Kirk just liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

_“Weird question, how do you treat spider bites?”_

_“Are you in your quarters? Where is there-? Damn it, Jim, just come down here.”_

The trend escalates one night, after a lazy afternoon on board the ship. The crew has been cruising through space for hours, waiting for a message from Starfleet Command, using the downtime to socialize and catch up on paperwork.

The crew with the exception, of course, of James Kirk.

“Bones!” Breathless, the captain barges into the sick bay without so much as a knock.

The doctor, neatly stacking medkits in a corner, nearly goes into cardiac arrest. “Jim?” Is there an emergency? The man had run in like his ass was on fire, has his hands on his knees now like he just ran a marathon.

“Bones,” Kirk repeats, standing up straighter. “I stubbed my toe!”

The color floods back into McCoy’s face. Really? Dumbfounded, all the doctor can do is repeat the words he can’t believe the captain just said.

“You stubbed your toe.”

“Yes.” There’s that shit-eating grin Bones has seen far too many times. Jim is his best friend, someone who’s always been there for him when he needs a hand, but hell if he doesn’t want to just deck him sometimes-

“And decided to come running full speed down to the sick bay.”

“I was lonely!”

“You’re a _child_ , Jim.” Petulant and childish, Kirk sticks his tongue out at the doctor before turning around, likely to travel back down the hallway in the direction of the bridge. What was the point of that?

_I would’ve given him something for his toe if he had asked._

Hardly a day a passes before the captain is back, this time not to complain but to take up space on the corner of a biobed, tapping out a random rhythm on the floor with his shoe. “So. Bones. What’s the deal with you up here, you ever get lonely?”

“We’ve been in space almost three years, and you ask me now?”

“Mm. Sorry.”

“The answer’s no. I’m perfectly fine here, Jim, you know I’m not the only doctor on board. And there’s nothing stopping me from heading up to the bridge if I want.”

“If you ever wanna see my handsome face in person?”

“Gimme a damn break.”

Kirk smiles, looks up at the ceiling as if he’s trying to think of something to stay. Steals looks over at the doctor every once in awhile like he expects him to make a comment, rude or otherwise. Bones is sure he’s stalling, trying to get out of doing some work somewhere. Paperwork? Something for Starfleet, or for the archives? The doctor doesn’t even know, really, what captains do in their free time. When they’re not...captaining.

“You got somewhere to be?”

The captain shakes his head, smiles again. “Nah. Not for a while. You?”

“You’re lookin’ it at.”

“Thought so.”

After a few more minutes of silence, minutes that seemed to last hours, the two part ways. McCoy and Kirk have known each other for years and years, Leonard knows Jim knows that, so why come around just to make awkward conversation and leave? They’ve had talks about nearly everything over the years, from weird stories to relationship problems to everything in between. So why show up just to loiter?

It was weird enough the first time.

Three days go by before Kirk throws open the door to the sick bay again, nearly wailing. “I got bit by something!”

“On the ship?”

“Yes!” Unable to even continue the prank any further, the captain grins. “Mosquito, I think. Do you have a flyswatter down here? I swear I’ll kill the little fucker when I find it.”

Another two days.

“Bones, what do I do for a hangnail?”

Mission information starts coming in from Starfleet, detailing where they’re going, what they might find. Captain Kirk spends more time captaining, for a while, and McCoy gets a chance to breathe. To convince his body it’s not actually going into shock or cardiac arrest. Jim is his best friend, he really is, but when nearly a week goes by where Bones doesn’t see him but in passing, he’s actually a little bit relieved. He feels bad for it, sure, but…

With some free time, the doctor heads to the bridge, in just enough time for the ship to glide smoothly out of warp and into the orbit of some planet. From the bridge it’s beautiful and terrifying all at once, mostly green and brown with few clouds covering its surface. The first stop in the Ragna system, where the crew’s directive is to find out as much as they can about local wildlife. There’s no civilizations in the system that anyone knows of, just flora and fauna, all new, all potentially dangerous.

Kirk mentions that it sounds like fun. Bones is thinking, at the exact same time, that it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

* * *

It’s quiet down at sick bay, for once. The captain is out with a landing party, miles below the ship on the surface of Ragna III. There’s no immediate danger, and no Jim storming into the bay throwing a pretend hissy fit over a hangnail or a bug bite.

The quiet is almost eerie, not even much noise drifting in from the halls. It feels like there’s something missing, and it puts the doctor on edge. What is Kirk doing right now, anyway? Investigating the planet, seeking out its life. The scanners already detected life forms- no civilizations, just wilderness. A nagging feeling forms in the back of McCoy’s head. Did he prepare the landing party enough? Are they safe? Their tricorders are still working, right?

“Bridge to medbay- doctor McCoy, come in.” The words crackle through the comm in a steady voice, though maybe with a hint of urgency. Or is the doctor imagining it? He’s paranoid enough. It wouldn’t be a surprise.

McCoy steadies himself, and across the room and in no rush, starts to head towards the sound of the voice. Raises a finger slowly to hit the button on the panel.

“It’s the captain.”

Though he knows no one will see it, Leonard rolls his eyes. Convinces himself it’s no big deal. After all, the captain always has one thing or another wrong with him. What else is new? “McCoy here. What’d he stub his toe on?”

“They’re beaming him up now. The landing party- they said it looks bad.”

A pause. A weight suddenly lands itself on McCoy’s chest, crushing his organs, squeezing his breath out of his chest.

“You’re going to want to hurry.”

Why hasn’t he already been hurrying? The doctor is kicking himself. He had the feeling something would go wrong and ignored it. Pushed it aside. Jim is hurt, somehow, he doesn’t even know what’s wrong yet but it’s bad, they say it’s bad, and he had been joking about it, lounging around the room. There’s extra medkits in the back. Why wasn’t he ready? Why didn’t he have any within arm’s reach? He knew they were going down to that planet. Knew there were life forms, that there could be something dangerous, was thinking about it already. Shit. _Shit._

People are talking to him in the hallways, but he can’t hear them. He just sees their lips moving. There are nurses following him holding a stretcher. A stretcher? Did he call for that? He must have.

The landing party has already beamed up by the time McCoy arrives. A young ensign rushes forward, sees the doctor’s face, slows down. She looks like she’s trying to calm down an angered animal, some kind of snake ready to strike. Leonard notices, isn’t sure how to feel.

“It was huge, some kind of lizard- it looks like it could have been related to an Earth dinosaur, right? We had just been tracking its prints, taking scat samples- suddenly the thing just _shows up_ , out of _nowhere_ , like it had been invisible- its drool burned holes straight through leaves- the captain yelled at us to turn back and we took off running. He shot his phaser at it to distract it so we could get away but- that just pissed it off, it spit at him, all over his front, he said to leave him but we _couldn’t_ , we dragged him away and found a cave and…” She finally takes a breath, avoiding the doctor’s gaze now, as if she felt guilty. “It’s our fault. We should’ve been more careful, now the captain-”

“Ensign Kell. Relax.” McCoy puts a hand on her shoulder as he walks past her, moves towards the captain. “It’s going to be all right.” He’s talking to himself as much as he is to the ensign. As much as he is to Kirk.

“Bones,” Kirk is sitting up, surprisingly, but he looks like shit. The nurses surrounding him part like the Red Sea as McCoy approaches.

“Jim.”

“Bones, I-” His shirt is peppered with holes, some bigger than others. Beneath the holes- skin, inflamed, shining red. Burned. The damage looks mostly external, the doctor thinks, and nearly breathes a sigh of relief. He catches it- how is he supposed to know that the damage is only on the outside? The spit could have been venomous, could have entered the captain’s blood stream already. Could be wreaking havoc on him from the inside-

The doctor blocks out the thoughts. He has to focus. He lets Kirk put all his weight on him, is thankful that at least he can stand. He can stand. That’s good news, and Bones focuses on it, uses it to keep moving.

“I’m sorry,” the captain mumbles, and Bones stops short before realizing no, he has to keep going. The nurses behind him still have the stretcher. Just in case. But they can make it. The sick bay isn’t far. “Just relax, Jimmy, it’s fine. You’re okay.” He’s trying convince himself as much as Kirk.

“For all the times I went down to the medbay,” he pauses, trying to catch his breath, “for nothing. Boy who cried wolf, huh?” _Jesus_ , McCoy thinks, _the man has chemical burns all over his body from some kind of killer lizard and he’s cracking jokes._

“Boy who cried wolf? You’re showing your age, Jim.” That makes him smile, as the two continue their three-legged race in through the shining white doors of the medbay. Kirk lies down, half-stifles a cry of pain. “Can you get your shirt off?”

“Never thought I’d be saying this in this context, but I might need some help.” He smiles again. Always a charmer. “Happy to help, darling,” Bones replies without thinking. The words bypass his brain and go straight out his mouth and he tries not to show visibly how shocked he is at himself. Kirk just raises his eyebrows, doesn’t comment as the two work together to inch the captain’s shirt up and over his torso. McCoy’s fingers brush Jim’s sides, but he can’t think about any feelings. He’s got to focus- on the thankfully steady rising and falling of the man’s chest, the bright red burns scattered across the area, radiating heat the doctor can feel without having to get too close. Second degree? Looks like it. Right, that’s not that bad. The medical tricorder will tell him anyway. Where’s the kelotane? McCoy almost panics- no, there it is, on the shelf behind- okay. Load up the hypo. It’ll be fine.

“Bones?” Bones’ heart almost jumps out of his chest. Is something wrong? Noticing the captain’s curious expression, and the doctor releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Always the hunger to learn.

“Kelotane, Jim,” the doctor mumbles barely above a whisper, like he’s talking to a hurt child. He’s always gentle in medical emergencies, the one place where he drops the grumpy facade. It’s better for the patient that way, more calming. And he always wants to do his best for them.

The tricorder hums. There’s nothing in his bloodstream, nothing wrong with his deep tissue, all external. Just as the doctor had thought- no, hoped. The captain’s injuries are still nothing pretty, but it’ll heal. He’ll be on his feet in no time.

Another hypo. A painkiller, mild sedative. Not enough to knock him out. Just to dull the ache. The kelotane will start clearing up the burns. Dermaline gel for the more minor ones. The biobed sensors are quiet, just the steady beep in tune with Kirk’s heart. Everything sounds fine.

McCoy finds the nearest chair, collapses into it. He’s faced worse emergencies- much worse, so why the panic? He knows the answer before he spends any time thinking about. It’s because it’s Jim, but why? Why not this for any lieutenant, any ensign? Doctors are supposed to be impartial. To just do their jobs, regardless of the patient, so why…

The captain is asleep, snoring lightly in the biobed. Peaceful. The doctor lets the rest of his apprehension fade away, and watches as the lights of the sick bay fade out as his eyes close on their own.

* * *

“Finally up, sleeping beauty?”

Kirk’s voice? What is he doing here?

Leonard opens his eyes slowly at first, then abruptly as he remembers where he is- in a chair, in the sick bay, next to a biobed with Jim Kirk on it-

Jim Kirk, sitting up, looking like hell with red marks all over his bare chest and with his hair sticking up in all directions, but very much alive.

“Never took you for much of an early riser, Jim.”

“The wonder of modern medicine, doctor.” Bones just shakes his head, looks at the clock. Ten o’clock Earth time already? What the hell?

“How’re you feeling?” He drops any biting tone in his voice for a minute, just long enough to ask a genuine question. Because although Kirk is his good friend, good enough to bust his balls, he’s also a patient. And after all- caring for patients is his job.

“Could be worse!” Always the optimist. “I got to see you again.” Bones’s face falls. Does he mean to imply...

The captain catches his mistake as soon as it leaves his mouth, backpedals furiously. “That’s not what I meant! You look like I just drowned your goldfish.” A smile. “I wouldn’t throw myself in front of an acid-spitting alien reptile on purpose. Even for you. Sorry.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re _feeling_ better, because you sure _look_ like crap.” Just as quickly as the doctor let his guard down, he puts it up again.

“Bones, I’m touched. Really.”

“You’re touched? What you _really _are is taking up space in my sick bay.”__

Indignant, the captain points to his bare chest.

“Jim, you know I wouldn’t send you away if you weren’t fine.” He takes a hypo from the shelf, already set with dermaline, presses it to the captain’s neck. “Any problems, you come to me right away. Don’t sleep on your stomach for a while. And I expect you in here every day for the next week-”

“You actually _want_ me here?”

“-to make sure you don’t get any worse.”

He sounds confident, sure. But inside McCoy is worried- is he sending him off too soon? Is he sure there’s no internal damage? No internal bleeding? Necrosis? Third or fourth degree burns the tricorder didn’t pick up? No, he tells himself, Jim is acting fine. Bitching, sure, but the man has second degree burns scattered across his chest, healing slowly but surely. He’s allowed to complain.

The captain doesn’t respond, just nods in compliance before standing (not without complaining a little) and heading for the doorway across the room.

“I’ll see you around, then, Bones.”

“Counting on it, Jim.”

He walks out- then promptly sticks his head and a bare shoulder back into the doorway. “Oh, and Bones?”  
“What is it?”

“Thanks. For...you know.” He points to himself, seems to gesture to the fact that he’s very much not dead. Or says something crude in sign language. McCoy isn’t entirely sure either way.

“For you not succumbing to hypovolaemic shock and coagulative necrosis on some alien planet alone?” He’s exaggerating, but he shakes his head anyway, smiles. “It’s my pleasure, Jim.”

The captain beams- “Glad to hear it.”- and ducks back out of the doorway. To his quarters, the doctor hopes, and not to the bridge still shirtless and vaguely disheveled.

* * *

The next week passes surprisingly uneventfully. Kirk comes in for his checkups every day, though not without some reminders over the comms. By the end of the week his chest is still a bit of a mess- he doesn’t need any grafts, thanks to modern medicine and his young body’s own powers of recovery, but the skin is still shiny and red. _The spots'll fade eventually_ , the doctor tells him. _Give it time. Keep putting dermaline gel on. Come get a hypo if you need. It’ll be uncomfortable when you sleep for a while._

Eventually the captain stops coming, apparently content with loose-fitting command shirts and a tub of dermaline on his nightstand. McCoy doesn’t know why he feels so lonely- it wasn’t as if the man would be coming in every day forever. No need- especially for a captain, who’s got an entire ship to run.

It’s almost eerie, how quiet the medbay becomes again. There’s officers coming in and out for physicals, sure, but they’re gone in no more than a few minutes. Leonard spends his days restocking shelves, waiting for the “Captain Kirk to medbay” call that he had gotten so used to hearing, waiting for the door to slide open to the captain’s voice in the hallway. It never happens. _Did the boy who cried wolf finally learn his lesson?_

No point in loitering on the bridge for now. They would call down for him if they needed him. He’s got medkits that need to be set up, hypos that need to be reorganized. Biobeds that need to be cleaned. Equipment that can be tested, tested again to make sure in case he’s bored.

Three weeks after Captain Kirk last visited the sick bay, the door slides open rather unceremoniously. Bones is in the back, rearranging when he hears it open- his phaser is halfway across the room. No way to get to it now. Who would just come in uninvited and quiet without calling down first, if not an intruder? Can’t be the captain. He nearly always barges in shouting.

There’s a medkit to his left- a hard, plastic box. Not really heavy, but it’ll work. He doesn’t really have a choice. Holding the kit like a rock to throw, the doctor turns around-

“Thought you might want some company, groundhog.” The captain, bright yellow shirt and all, leans with one arm on the doorway, eyes and smirk widening at the doctor’s strange stance.

Kirk?

_Groundhog?_

“What?” McCoy lowers the medkit, nudges it onto a shelf to try and pretend that bit never happened.

“You know. They don’t come out of their little holes until it’s spring, right? And you’ve been holed up in here for-”

“I didn’t know there were groundhogs in Iowa.” Bones cuts him off, embarrassed but trying his best to hide it. He moves towards the doorway until he’s standing in front of Kirk; the captain lets the door close behind him, sits down on a biobed. There’s still a smile on his face, with his eyes following the doctor as he takes a seat in a chair beside him.

“Why wouldn’t there be?”

“I was under the impression all there was in Iowa was corn.”

Kirk grins, another shit-eating smile. “Sure, and all there is in Georgia is peaches.”

“You got me there.” Leonard, though joking around, is still suspicious. Why would the captain casually visit the medbay again if not to report some kind of medical incident? _He isn’t even complaining about a hangnail or a stubbed toe._ “Anyway, Jim, why are you here? Just coming to pull the groundhog outta the hole for a bit, trying to see if he sees his shadow?”

“ _Fuck_ , you’re old. And, no, I figured you were actually busy with something. Just wanted to see you.”

“See me? That’s it?”

“You’re surprised? Come on, Bones, we’ve been friends for years. I _missed_ you.” He sounds for all the world like someone pining for an ex-lover.

“It’s only been a couple weeks, Jim.”

The man shrugs, looks down at the light reflecting off the floor. “Still.”  
“You sure you feel okay?” It’s half a joke, but half serious. McCoy believes that Kirk did just come down to the sick bay to see him- but something still feels off. There’s something heavy in the air that the doctor just can’t seem to put his finger on, something about the way the captain is acting, a little artificial.

“Yeah. Yeah, never better.” Still not making eye contact. The “off” feeling persists. “It’s just…” The captain pauses, as if arranging jumbled thoughts in his head. “You know how I used to come down here all the time? For the stupidest stuff?”

“Of course I do. Figured you were just in it to annoy me.”

“Well- kind of.” He looks a little sheepish. “But...I really did just want to spend time with you. Even if it meant making things up. Kicking the door to the captain’s quarters until I broke a toenail.”

Bones is stunned into silence. What kind of… “You didn’t.”

“In retrospect, I could have made up something less painful.”

“You don’t need to-” the doctor is interrupted before he can finish the thought.

“I know, I know. It was stupid.” He smiles, still without looking up. “Made sense at the time, though. Because…” Jim hesitates. “Right, this is gonna sound even more stupid.”

Leonard has no idea what to expect.

“I started thinking...I’ve been doing stupid things just to come to sick bay and spend time with you. I’ve been thinking about you a lot- I know, we’re friends, but it’s more than friends do, more than I _usually_ do- and you know I haven’t...gotten with anyone in years, even that really attractive alien on Hera VI, the one with the blue- anyway-”

The puzzle pieces fall into place. And the puzzle is terrifying.

“Anyway, I think...this is so fucking weird out loud! I think I like you. No, shit, that’s not what I meant, I’m not _five_.”

“You mean-” The doctor is glad they’re in the medbay, because he thinks his throat is closing up.

“I think I’m in love with you! I think I always have been, since we were friends at the Academy, since you snuck me onto the Enterprise-”

“And made you go into anaphylactic shock?”

“No! Well- yes. I guess. I don’t know.”

There’s a heavy silence. Bones is wracking his brain, trying to think of something to say. Does he reciprocate? He doesn’t even know. He can hardly think, feels like his brain has melted and spilled out onto the floor from his ears. Sure, it’s true that he hasn’t been romantically involved with anyone since the two of them met. Flirted a little, but it never went anywhere. He was never even sure he wanted it to go anywhere.

And- his behavior those weeks ago, when Jim was lying on that same biobed, burns covering his chest, the tricorder beeping- why had he nearly panicked? It had to be just because it was Jim. Anyone else and it would have been different, but why? Why him? Does that mean he also…

The doctor’s head is spinning.

“Jim, I…”

He can’t say he feels the same. Not yet. He has to think about it, _really_ think about it, because this is Kirk he’s talking about. Doesn’t want to lead him on. Doesn’t want to ruin what’s now left of their friendship.

“I just need some time to think.” The doctor’s voice is hardly above a whisper, and shit, he feels terrible the moment the words pass his lips. So much for his Southern charm. The captain’s face falls, almost imperceptibly, but McCoy notices. After all the years they’ve known each other, how could he not notice? It’s his fault, after all.

He wants to say something. _That doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same. I think I do feel the same. I just need to make sure. I’ll tell you. Don’t be let down. I’m sorry, Jim._

The words stick in his throat, stay there as Jim stands, nods, swallows. “Right. That’s fine.” He turns, still without making eye contact, and the doctor is glad. He doesn’t want to see Kirk’s eyes. He knows he’ll see something there- disappointment, maybe. Sadness. Something painful, something that’ll make him want to say something. But he can’t. He can’t afford to be rash. “See you around, then.”

“Yeah.” By the time McCoy gets the word out, the captain is gone, sick bay door closed behind him. The doctor is still in the chair, sitting with a kind of numb feeling spreading through him. He already knows the answer. Why didn’t he tell him?

He _does_ already know the answer. He knows he does. Kirk has always been there, the one constant through the years, ever since the divorce. All the way from the first shuttle ride to the Academy. Who else would he sneak onto a ship? Who else would he nearly fly a ship into an open airlock for? Who else would he drink with at the weirdest hours of the night, as their ship hurtles through uncharted space? Who else would he even think about staying in space for five straight years for?

The answer is always the same. It’s Kirk. It always has been.

* * *

The next day is a quiet one. The Enterprise is docked, refueling, with all the crew still on board to run various errands. Test equipment. Make sure the archives and databases are functioning. Make sure everything on the ship is in tip-top shape, because who knows what they’ll run into in between now and the next refueling? The ship’s fuel chamber stores enough to keep going for a long time. They had to be prepared for every possible outcome.

There’s a knock at the sick bay door. A yeoman, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, clearly on a mission. “Have you seen the captain?”

Bones resists the urge to roll his eyes. “You check the bridge?”

“Already have, sir. Commander Spock said to check here next.”

The doctor smiles wryly. Of course Spock would say something like that. “Probably in his quarters. Is it urgent?”

“No, sir. Just curious.” The young man looks a little embarrassed, and McCoy smiles. “I’ll tell him you wanted to speak with him, yeoman…”

“Garner! Sir.”

“Thanks, Garner.” The man nods, runs out of the door as if he’s on fire. Kids.

_Why isn’t he on the bridge?_ McCoy is a bit lost. To be loitering in his quarters in the middle of the afternoon…

The events of the previous night flood back abruptly and the doctor (again) nearly has a heart attack right in the sick bay.

_“I think I’m in love with you!”_

He has to see the captain. Has to make things right. Has to say _yes, it’s strange and I never thought about it until you said anything but I think I might actually be in love with you too, James Tiberius Kirk._

Bones makes his way towards the captain’s quarters almost autonomously, his feet moving without his brain telling them to. He only has to knock once, before the door slides open.

“Jim?”

The captain is on the other side of the small room, looking out the window at the motionless sky. He turns around when he hears Leonard’s voice, looking nervous and excited all at once. “Bones?” For the captain of a starship, Bones thinks, Kirk’s voice suddenly sounds terribly small.

“Jim- listen- I’m sorry. For last night. For blowing you off, for...all of that.”

Kirk nods hesitantly, as if he isn’t sure what the doctor is trying to say. A confession? A gentle letdown? “It’s all right, Bones.”

“Jim...I was thinking.” He wants to repeat everything he told himself last night. About smuggling Kirk onto the Enterprise. About staying in space for him. About staying up late drinking with him. But none of the words he needs come.

All the doctor can think about is how beautiful the man is, standing there with his fair brown hair and his bright blue eyes and his face, full of boyhood innocence.

He takes a step forward without thinking. Reaches out a hand towards the captain’s face-

Feels the last of his inhibition melt away because _fuck_ , the man is _beautiful._

“Hell- Jim Kirk, I think I’m in love with you.” He barely gives the captain time to react because shit, their faces are so close together now, the two of them taking steps towards each other until Bones’s hand reaches Kirk’s face. Pulls him closer, until their lips touch and they fall into each other like puzzle pieces.

McCoy can hardly think, it feels so right. Why didn’t he go for it last night? Why didn’t he go for this years ago? Why had he waited? Being without him had felt like a hole in his heart. Every part of him but his brain had realized it, and every part of him now feels like it’s on fire in the best way possible.

“God, Bones,” Kirk pulls away just far enough to whisper it breathlessly against his lips, then dives back in. By the time they break away for good they’re both out of breath, starstruck, blinking at each other in amazement.

“When-” The captain is still struggling to form sentences. “How did you know?”

“I don’t know. I think I always knew, I just never really...thought about it…” Saying how he feels out loud is strange. Unnecessary. They’ll talk about it eventually, sure, but right now Leonard doesn’t want to talk, just wants to kiss, to tell Jim how much he loves him by pressing his lips against the man’s lips and neck and everywhere else. So he ducks back in, feels his chest fill with happiness as the captain leans in to meet him. “You’ve got beautiful eyes, darlin’,” is the only thing the doctor can think to say, breathing the words against Kirk’s teeth, feeling the captain shudder beneath his hands on his shoulders.

Kirk, it appears, is also done talking. His eyes say that much. Bones slides his hands down, from the captain’s shoulders to his hands, pinning him against the wall with little effort. It doesn’t take much; Jim is happy to comply, already squirming with pleasure just from the kisses the doctor is planting on his neck.

The decision to move to the bed is almost telepathic, their movements less so. Tripping over each other, each unwilling to to break apart from the other for even a moment, the two eventually reach their destination, falling onto the king bed. What they lack in grace they make up for in passion, as Kirk hastily pulls off his shirt, looking down with a hunger as Bones plants kisses tenderly on each shining red burn on his chest. The spots are still a little tender, McCoy knows, but the doctor’s touch is soft, an abrupt but welcome (he knows by the look in Kirk’s eyes) change from the rough and sloppy kisses that had graced the captain’s neck previously.

They don’t have sex; with no lube in the room (Bones knows- there’s nothing on the nightstand where it would normally be, nothing from Jim to indicate he’s got it stashed away somewhere) the act is impossible, and unnecessary tonight anyway. The doctor at least knows he’s content with staying right where he is, lying on Kirk’s bed with the captain’s head now resting on his chest.

“Bones?” He could have sworn Kirk had fallen asleep by now, their fingers entwined, the steady rising and falling of their chests in sync. Apparently he was wrong.

“Yeah, sugar?” The term comes naturally to him, as naturally as breathing (it’s the Georgia in him), but the captain goes red all over, squeezes his hand. _Got a thing for...terms of endearment?_ The doctor realizes maybe he does have some Southern charm after all.

“Just wanted to know if you’re still awake.”

“All night for you if you want, Jim.” He knows the captain is surprised to hear that kind of language- like everyone else, Kirk is used to McCoy’s grumpy attitude, his often-rude remarks. _“Jim, you look like crap.” “Just call me Mr. Sensitive.”_ He doesn’t need to keep up that act here, in Kirk’s arms.

“‘S’it okay if I fall asleep here?” By the sound of his voice, the captain’s more than halfway there already, mumbling with his eyes closed, tired out by the excitement of it all.

“Sure is.” Who is Bones to argue? He’s comfortable, soft and warm in Kirk’s bed. Weeks ago he was nearly tired of seeing the man’s face- now it feels like he can hardly get enough. He’s not sure what changed. Did he _really_ ever tire of seeing his face, or did he just tell it to the captain out loud enough times that he convinced himself? All Leonard knows now is that that face is a sight to behold, sleeping and peaceful. It’s the last thing the doctor sees before his own eyes close, and he’s grateful.

* * *

“Captain Kirk to medbay- come in, doctor McCoy.” _Again._

Sitting alone in the sick bay, a week later, Bones is not surprised in the least at what sounds over his comm.

“Doctor McCoy here. What is it, Jim?”

“My, uh, shoulder hurts. I think I might have pulled something?” A complete lie, the doctor knows. But he plays along, though not nicely.

“Pulled it doing what?” A silence. Kirk is stuck, and the doctor smiles on his end, knows he’s got the man caught.

“Fencing!”

“Fencing?” _What the hell?_ Now it’s his turn to be caught off guard.

“Yeah, fencing. With Sulu. You know, that sport with the swords, and-” Bones hears a noise of protest from the helmsman in the background, just laughs in response. “Right, then. Fencing. Come on down and I’ll check it out.”

Leonard knows the captain doesn’t need any more encouragement. Sure enough, he arrives in the sick bay in what seems like no time at all, breathless and hungry. Kirk scans the room with his eyes, makes sure there’s no other doctors or nurses hiding out in a corner before he moves, pushing Bones up against the wall and moving his lips from the doctor’s lips to his cheeks to his neck almost frantically. Bones’s hands slide up Jim’s hips, slipping under his shirt- the doctor is plenty content to just feel his warmth, while the captain, far less easily satisfied, is kissing him like his life depends on it. When he stops for a breath the doctor leans in- “You said your shoulder, right?”- knows the spot will bruise tomorrow, in a near-perfect little circle, knows Kirk knows too and knows he loves it. Loves him. Knows they love each other.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk. There’s a transmission coming in for you, Captain.”

As soon as their endeavor began, it ends, though more hesitantly. They share one more kiss- tenderly now, on the lips, not as ravenous as any before- before Kirk departs, glowing. Bones is content enough in just knowing what the crew will say about his slightly disheveled hair, somewhat wrinkled shirt, the nearly dreamlike look on his face.

There are three sentences that doctor Leonard McCoy, after three years in space, can no longer stand:

**1.** “Have you seen the captain anywhere?” _Sure have- but why ask me? Is it that obvious?_  
 **2.** “Can we just do my physical tomorrow?” _You’ve got all day to finish filling out paperwork. Or just do it another day. Really._  
 **3.** “Can’t right now, Bones, I’m busy.” _Too busy for your doctor, captain?_

“...I’ll be right down.”

**Author's Note:**

> for anyone wondering: i wrote this while listening to the killers, the smiths, weezer, and the black keys which is a weird combination but i guess it works?


End file.
